I'm a whore.

I was at work the other day and I had a frustrating encounter with a customer. I work at a scrapbooking store in Danville. We have lots of interesting customers since the people in Danville are relatively interesting. I'm seriously mortified by my thoughts about, actions towards, and words spoken to this one particular customer. She walked into the store on her bluetooth and left the store on her bluetooth. She waltzed in wearing a black leather mini-skirt and heels with her expensive boobs on display. Tanned, bleached and plastic. The first thing that crossed my mind when I saw her was "Oh. Great. Yet another Danville whore". One of my biggest pet peeves is when customers continue their cell phone conversations while I'm checking them out. Its just rude. So, I was especially miffed when she approached the counter yapping away on her bluetooth. THEN I noticed her Rolex and the massive diamond (most likely a blood diamond) that adorned her perfectly manicured hand. I couldn't help but think of how many African children could be fed, clothed and educated with the thousands of dollars spent on this woman's jewelry alone. Her total was $10.81 and she slapped down her gold AmEx. I told her that was the one card we don't accept. She smiled quaintly and then she searched through her Louis Vuitton wallet for another credit card. I think she may have had about 10 credit cards. After I bagged her items and handed her the receipt, she smiled and mouthed "thank you" as she scooped up the keys to her Mercedes and pranced out the door. After she left, I proceeded to bitch about my encounter with her to my coworkers. I'm such a brat. 

And you know what else I am? I'm a whore. When I came home from work I began to think about that woman and God showed me how much I have in common with her. I was reminded of the parable of the pharisee and the tax collector in the gospel of Luke (chapter 18). The parable starts out like this: "To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else.". As you can already see, Jesus told that parable for me, well, technically for all of us. But definitely for me. The parable goes like this: "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men-robbers, evildoers, adulterers-or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God have mercy on me, a sinner.'"

Then at the end of the parable Jesus says, "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." I am the Pharisee in this parable and I am now most certainly, humbled. Father, forgive me. One of my first thoughts about the Danville whore was "thank goodness I'm not like her. I don't waste my money on diamonds, trips to the tanning salon, silicon implants or dress like a tramp." No, I don't do any of those things. But you know what? I do a lot of other whorish crap. My boobs are real, I try to dress modestly, I don't dye my hair, I don't wear gaudy make-up, but I'm still most certainly a whore. I'm a whore to self-righteousness, knowledge, prowess, success, education, recognition, and trends. Just to name a few. Obviously, when you look up "whore" in the dictionary, the first definition will most likely be "prostitute". But there was another definition when I looked it up: "debasing [or degrading] oneself by doing something for unworthy motives". I'm not a prostitute, but I am guilty of whoring myself to the temptations of this world. 

The only reason I am worth anything is because the Creator of the universe loves me and His Son bled for me. And you know what? The Creator of the universe loves the Danville whore too and Jesus most certainly died for her too. I guess we're all whores. Whores saved by the blood of the lamb. Hallelujah. 

Grace and peace.

Hillary

Father, forgive me. Help me to recognize the material things or ideas that I whore myself to. There are many. Anything that distracts me from You and bringing You glory is something that I'm guilty of whoring myself to. 

I'm pro-life, literally.

So I just finished reading Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. The book is absolutely phenomenal and I recommend to, well, everyone. His book was a wonderful reminder that all Christians, especially myself, need to hear: our allegiance is to a King and His kingdom. Not to a political party, the government, a nation or a specific ideology. Christians should stand apart from partisan politics. That would truly be a testament to the radical teachings of Christ which stand in stark contrast to the world in which we live. Shane's book is about much, much more than politics. But his views on politics are very fascinating and thought provoking. Before I became a Christian, I always found it odd that Christians were "pro-war" (I really dislike that term, but I couldn't think of anything else). Jesus promoted nonviolence, peace and turning the other cheek. I mean, for goodness sake, God in human flesh let the Jews nail him to a cross despite his blatant innocence. Furthermore, Jesus did this to restore peace between God and His children. Can you get anymore peaceful than that? I don't think so. 

Initially as a Christian, I just assumed that I was supposed to be a Republican. I adhered to all things Republican, espoused all things conservative and despised all things liberal. But I soon experienced a cognitive dissonance of sorts, in the sense that I felt like Jesus just wouldn't support some aspects of Republicanism. The Jesus I had come to know was peaceful and loving at all costs. He gave HIS LIFE for peace. The Republican party is hardly peaceful. Our government is not peaceful. Our world is not peaceful. But my heart belongs to the Prince of Peace. I have no doubt that Jesus would disagree with the Republican party in terms of issues such as poverty, healthcare, capital punishment, caring for the earth, and war. But I don't think He would necessarily agree with the Democratic party either. During Jesus' time He never ascribed to the ideologies that surrounded Him, He forged a new path that preached justice, inclusion, peace and equality. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that made me think "Pro-life and Pro-war? I'm Anti-Hypocrite, thanks". I've come to discover that being pro-life means far more than being against abortion. The term pro-life should be taken as literal as possible; being pro-life means you are for all life. I believe that all life is valuable and that no life is beyond redemption because Christ's sacrifice was sufficient for everything. Terrorists, zygotes, embryos, fetuses, convicted felons, rich, poor, heroine addicts, tax collectors, politicians, ragamuffins, whatever, it doesn't matter. We're all the same in God's eyes. We're all equally wretched and treasured. Its such a confusingly beautiful paradox. And our God is so great that He can make sense of such a paradox. 

Pardon my tangent. Moving on. Shane Claiborne made a trip to Iraq in 2003 when the "War on Terror" was raging. He issued a purpose statement for his trip and its absolutely beautiful. It definitely makes you think. I want people to read it. Its worth your time, I promise.

"I'm going to Iraq because I believe in a God of scandalous grace. If I believed terrorists were beyond redemption, I would need to rip out half of my New Testament Scriptures, for they were written by a converted terrorist. I have pledged allegiance to a King who loved evildoers so much he died for them (and of course, the people of Iraq are no more evil or more holy than the people of the US), teaching us that there is something worth dying for but nothing worth killing for. While terrorists were nailing him to the cross, my Jesus pleaded that they be shown mercy, for they knew not what they were doing. We are all wretched, and we are all beautiful. No one is beyond redemption. May we see in the hands of the oppressors our own hands, and in the faces of the oppressed our own faces. We are made of the same dust, and we cry the same salty tears. 

I am going to Iraq in the footsteps of an executed and risen God. I follow Jesus who rode into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey at Passover, knowing full well what he was walking into. This Jesus of the margins suffered an imperial execution by an oppressive regime of wealthy and pious elites. And now he dares me and woos me to come and follow, to take up my cross, to lose my life to find it, with the promises that life is more powerful than death and that it is more courageous to love our enemies than to kill them. 

I am going to Iraq to stop terrorism. There are Muslim and Christian extremists who kill in the name of their gods. Their leaders are millionaires who live in comfort while their citizens die neglected in the streets. I believe in another kingdom that belongs to the poor and to the peacemakers. I believe in a safe world, and I know this world will never be safe as long as we try to use violence to drive out violence. Violence only begets the very thing it seeks to destroy. My King warned his followers, "If we pick up the sword, we will die by the sword". How true this has proved to be throughout history. We armed Saddam in the conflict against Iran, and we armed Bin Laden in the struggle against the Soviet Union. Timothy McVeigh, the most terrifying domestic terrorist in US history, was trained in the Gulf War, where he said he turned into an animal.

I am going to Iraq to stand in the way of the war. Thousands of soldiers have gone to Iraq, willing to kill people they do not know because of a political allegiance. I go willing to die for people I do not know because of a spiritual allegiance. The soldiers have incredible courage, courage enough to die for something they believe in. I pray that Christians would have that same courage. The command of the soldiers is handed down, through rank after rank, from a human commander-in-chief clinging to the myth of redemptive violence. My mandate is straight from the mouth of my heavenly King, through the lips of the Prince of Peace-to love my enemies- and yet still I falter. May we cling to the truth that every human is created in the image of God. Do we believe that children in Iraq are just as precious as the children of New York? A love for our own people is not a bad thing, but why should love stop at the border? We, the people of rebirth, have an allegiance that runs much deeper than nationalism.

I am going to Iraq as a missionary. In an age of omnipresent war, it is my hope that Christian peacemaking becomes the new face of global missions. May we stand by those who face the impending wrath of empire and whisper, "God loves you, I love you, and if my country bombs your country, I will be right here with you." Otherwise, our gospel has little integrity. As one of the saints said, "If they come for the innocent and do not pass over our bodies, then cursed be our religion". May our lives interrupt terrorism and war, in small ways, in large ways, in moments of crisis, and in everyday rhythms. These are extreme times. And I go to Iraq as an extremist for love.

'And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace' (Acts 20:22-24)". 

I want to be an extremist for love. 

Grace and PEACE,

Hillary

Let's talk about drugs

I'm not sure how many people find the topic of the politics of pharmaceutics interesting, but I most certainly do. And its not just because I'm a nursing student, because the politics surrounding pharmaceutics extends beyond pharmacology and involves ethics, sinful human tendencies and an assortment of other interesting topics. I'm reading a book right now called The Skeptics Guide to the Global AIDS Crisis. Its written by Dale Hanson Bourke, who is a dedicated humanitarian and also happens to be a Christian. Her perspective on the HIV/AIDS crisis is particularly interesting because she combines her Christian worldview with a realistic view of the magnitude of the crisis. Sometimes I think the church is a little disillusioned in terms of the global impact of HIV/AIDS. This virus effects every aspect of everything, and Bourke acknowledges that fact. Her writing is quite remarkable. At any rate, the purpose of this post was to talk about anti-retroviral drugs and the unfortunate controversies that surround them. Not only do I want other people to know about this topic, but I currently have so many questions and ideas bouncing around in my head, I think it might help to type it all out. And we're off.

 Anti-retroviral therapy (ART) is a combination of anti-retroviral drugs that help slow the proliferation of the HIV virus and the progression of AIDS.  Studies have shown that these drugs can reduce illness and death in HIV positive individuals by up to 70%. By no means are ARVs a cure for AIDS, but they most certainly improve the quality of life and may prolong the life of HIV positive people. Not only that, ARVs also help prevent mother to child transmission (MTCT) of the virus. Furthermore, because ARVs help lower the viral load in an infected individual, they essentially make that person less infectious (although, they are still able to transmit the virus and the use of ARVs does not justify sexual promiscuity or other reckless behavior).

So, although ARVs don't cure AIDS, they most certainly are beneficial for the HIV positive population. Are you ready for a depressing statistic? Globally, antiretroviral drugs reach only one in five of the people who need them. Disgusting, huh? So let's talk about why life-saving drugs aren't accessible to the people who need them the most. It comes down to politics and human greed. Most AIDS drugs were developed by Western pharmaceutical companies, and under international law have patent protection for twenty years. There has been great international frustration over the inability to obtain ARVs at an affordable price, especially in mass quantities.  In order for a patented drug to be produced, the manufacturer must pay a patent fee. Because of this patent fee, name-brand drugs are more expensive. Now the US government will only distribute name brand drugs (i.e. those protected by patents), based on "concerns for safety and efficacy". Name brand ARVs are significantly more expensive than generic drugs, even though the generics have the same chemical properties, produce the same effects and are approved by WHO and UNAIDS. So basically, because the US insists that name brand drugs be utilized in the programs that they fund, far fewer people are able to be treated.  

To aggravate matters further, the US government will also not endorse a new pill that combines the ingredients of three main ARVs into one pill. In order for antiretroviral therapy to be effective, several antiretroviral drugs must be used in conjunction.  Patient compliance and adherence to a specific regimen is increased when patients have a simpler regimen. If patients are able to take less pills everyday, they are more likely to take them and take the correct dose at the correct time. But because such combinations aren't marketed by any of the major pharmaceutical companies, the US government won't use these new super pills.  So because pharmaceutical companies in the West developed a majority of the widely used AIDS drugs and they're patented, generic/cheaper drugs which serve the same purpose are not used. Even if the US were to begin using generic drugs to fight AIDS because the drugs are patented, making the drugs generically is technically illegal. But alas, there is a loophole.

Lets talk about the World Trade Organization (WTO). Who are they and what do they do? According to Bourke "The World Trade Organization sets the rules, enables trade, and negotiates disputes between member countries. It is the primary body overseeing international trade agreements". How does the WTO affect antiretroviral therapy and the fight against HIV/AIDS you ask? Well, the WTO's main involvement has been in relation to the intellectual property rights that pharmaceutical companies have over their drugs and whether countries are allowed to legally violate patents in order to access life-saving generic drugs. Technically, the law is that all countries must comply with patent protection measures involving pharmaceutics. However, there is a loophole to this law, which is titled the Doha Declaration.  The Doha Declaration is "a provision of the agreement that allows countries to declare a public health emergency and thereby bypass certain patent protections". This is what permits countries to legally manufacture or import generic drugs before patent protections have expired. But the US doesn't use these drugs because they are generic and haven't been approved by the FDA.  

 Logically, this leads to the accusation that the US is protecting business interests over saving lives. The US takes the position that they don't want to promote the use of unsafe drugs. Its just all so complicated, and does it really need to be? Did there ever need to be a patent on life-saving drugs in the first place? Since when did saving lives become a business? Who decided that one company can control a chemical compound that can save lives? Why would anyone want to restrict access to life-saving drugs for monetary gain? Its just all so tragic. Now I understand the importance of patents. If something is someone's own idea or discovery, they have the right to protect it and get credit for it. But I always thought this applied to things like refrigerators and roller skates, not life-saving drugs. Sure, if you created a special kind of shampoo that makes hair grow exceptionally fast you have the right to control who copies you and what not. But shouldn't that right change when someone's life is on the line and when the world is being confronted with a public health crisis? 

Yea. So that was a long post. Below are some statistics/quotes that I've collected from Bourke's book as well as other internet sources (WHO and UNAIDS). They're interesting. Don't just read them as a bunch of numbers, as you read them acknowledge that the numbers represent human lives.

Grace and peace.

Hillary

-An estimated three million people die each year from AIDS, a death toll that has been compared to twenty fully loaded 747s crashing every single day for a year.

-Globally, approximately 50 percent of all HIV-positive people are female; in sub-Saharan Africa it averages nearly 60 percent.

-Nine out of ten children living with HIV and AIDS are African.

-While Sub-Saharan Africa is home to only 10 percent of the world's population, nearly 70 percent of those infected with HIV/AIDS live there. (WOW!)

-Without treatment [with ARVs], between 15 to 30 percent of babies born to HIV positive mothers are infected.

-By 2010, it is estimated that there will be 25 million AIDS orphans in the world.

-Nearly 6,000 young people between the ages of 15 and 25 are infected by HIV everyday.

-In India, 5.7 million people are estimated to be infected with HIV, making it the country with the greatest number of infections in the world.

-Of the 950,000 people living with HIV in the US, as many as a quarter do not know they are infected. [Hits a little close to home, huh? Yea, its not just a problem in the third world]

-Every day 1,500 children become infected with HIV.

-By 2010, more than 10 million people could be infected in China if current infection rates continue.

-In Botswana, life expectancy decreased from 65 years in 1985-1990 to 40 years in 2000-2005.

-Every minute a child under fifteen dies of an AIDS-related illness. Every minute another child becomes HIV-positive. [How long did it take you to read this blog post?]

-Worldwide, 80% of women newly infected with HIV are practicing monogamy within a marriage or a long-term relationship. 

-In Russia, heroin is often cheaper than alcohol and is one of the primary reasons HIV infections have risen dramatically.

-Even though Uganda has significantly reduced the rate of HIV infections, its AIDS orphan population continues to grow because previously infected people continue to die.

Orphans

As many of you know, I recently returned from a mission trip to Zambia, Africa. The trip was life-changing, in so many ways. My team stayed on a 10,000 acre farm. The farm included a clinic, acres of farmland, several villages, schools and an orphanage. Being a nursing student, I expected to spend a majority of my time in the clinic. That was what I expected, not necessarily what God expected of me. As a team, we spent time doing a variety of things, but mainly we hung out in the orphanage. Now, I like kids. I really do. But I'm not one of those girls who screams every time she sees an adorable child. I have no desire to work specifically in pediatrics, nor do I feel the need to be around kids a lot. Initially, being in the orphanage was difficult for me. Most of the kids in the orphanage have serious behavior issues. The kids, especially the older ones, have accepted the fact that negative attention is better than no attention.  This desire for attention manifests itself in various outlandish and disrespectful ways. When my team first arrived at the orphanage, most of us were afraid to tell any of the kids no. We simply let them climb all over us and do as they please. But it got old after a while. 

As we spent more time in the orphanage and began to become accustom to the way things were run, we became more comfortable with the children and we also became more comfortable with disciplining them. I learned that loving a child sometimes means disciplining them. At first, I was irritated that I wasn't spending time in the clinic getting my hands dirty with some interesting medical anomaly that I would never see back in the states. But gradually, these kids became my life for the 21 days I was in Zambia. I loved every minute of being crawled on and tugged at. I loved carrying children on my back in a chitenge, even if it meant having every muscle in my back and shoulders sore the next day. I loved every finger print on my glasses, every ounce of snot on my shirt and every particle of dust that caked my clothing. I loved all these things because God loves them so much. There were so many instances when I was at the orphanage, and one of the children would do something funny or cute and my heart was warmed knowing that God was delighting in the moment too.

There was one child in particular that especially left an imprint on my heart; Jessica. My first interaction with Jessica was when she gave me the double chicken wing after I told her to put her clothes back on. She had taken half her clothes off for some reason. The "chicken wing" is something that Zambian children do and although its hard to think of an equivalent gesture in the West, sticking out one's tongue is the closest I can think of.  Whatever the case, the chicken wing is rude and the kids at the orphanage are not supposed to make the gesture to adults. So that was my first interaction with Jessica. Other than the fact that Jessica could be somewhat of a brat, she had the cutest laugh and she was always singing. Always singing. Every time she would raise her little voice to sing some random song, I could just feel her Father smiling down on her. 

Orphans are such an interesting paradox. If you measure their circumstances by earthly standards, they are most unfortunate.  Especially orphans in Africa because their situation is complicated tenfold by the HIV/AIDS epidemic that is ravaging the continent. They have no parents to love and care for them, many of their families have been tragically taken from them by illness or violence, and they often lack food, shelter, and healthcare. By Kingdom standards, orphans are loved tremendously by their Creator and will be blessed because of their earthly predicaments. When I was spending time in the orphanage, I was overcome by the privilege of being able to love those little children who God loves more than I could ever imagine. Loving those kids is nothing less than a privilege. God has a special place in His heart for orphans and everyday that I was able to spend time in the Sons of Thunder orphanage I was able to get another glimpse of the far corners of His heart. Unmeasurable are the limits of an orphan because they call the Creator of the universe Father. Unimaginable is their potential because He calls them His children. Wow, just wow.  

Adoption is another privilege. Adoption entails taking an orphan into your home and loving what the world calls the least, but what God treasures. Adoption is something that I can't always wrap my head around. Its just too awesome. Below are some pictures I took of the orphans who God treasures so. Its official, I really want to go back to Zambia. 

Grace and peace.

Hillary

Jessica

Rachael
Astridah
Wilson
Kizito
Gideon
Mercy
Mutinta
Rastone

Chelsie

Grace
Ruthie and Esther
Mapalo
Dickson

Estate sales and antique trunks

I'm giving this blog thing a shot. Everyone I know that's awesome has a blog, so I was inspired to jump on the band wagon. I'm not sure that anything that goes on in my life is particularly interesting, but I'll share it anyway, in the hope that someone finds it interesting. So, here we go.

On the way home from REI the other day, my parents and I stumbled upon an estate sale in our neighborhood. Initially, I was unaware of the difference between an estate sale and a garage sale, but I learned quite quickly that there is HUGE difference. Estate sales are sort of unfortunate because having an estate sale necessitates a death, however, they usually are chalk full of treasures that have histories waiting to be discovered. Case in point, my glorious trunk!

I discovered the trunk after walking through a second time. It was priced at $250, which is quite a chunk of cash for a college student. But I seriously had to have this trunk. After trying, unsuccessfully, to knock the price down to at least $150, my dad convinced me to come back the next day. My dad discovered that everything would be discounted 50% on Saturday because it was the last day of the sale, and the sellers wanted to get everything out to ease their clean up and cut moving expenses. I reluctantly left the estate sale empty handed and vowed to return on Saturday prepared to lay down the cash for my coveted trunk.

Saturday morning rolls around and my mom and I spend way too much time and money on fresh organic produce at the farmer's market. Consequently, we ended up getting to the estate sale rather late in the morning. My heart was crushed when I ran to the corner of the garage that previously housed the trunk and found it empty. Needless to say, I was pretty pissed. My mom still wanted to look around, so I followed her, sulking all the while. She kept on saying, "Knock it off, Hillary. They probably just moved it." To which I would respond, most dramatically, "No, its gone! It was just too awesome, I should have known someone would snatch it up!".

Well, sure enough, my mom was right. The trunk was relocated behind the fur coat collection! I ended up purchasing my beloved trunk for $100. That may sound like a lot of money for an old trunk, but its so much more than just a wooden box with missing handles. I promise. Everything about this trunk has character. What I love most about it is the stories that it tells. Or rather, the stories that I imagine it tells. I'm venturing to guess that it was used as some sort of wedding trunk, possibly housing a wedding dress and other treasures. The trunk has several wedding pictures pasted in it and its lined with old newspaper. So cool.

The coolest thing to think about is the many people who may have owned this trunk. Even cooler is to think about the fact that I am now included as one of the owners. Someday, the trunk may be sold at my estate sale (which would be a kick ass estate sale by the way). I can get really carried away sometimes, but I even began to think about how God knows exactly who owned the trunk before me. He knows the intimate details of each owner's life and story, including mine. Now I know that God knows the intimate details of every human beings life considering He created us, but something struck me when I acknowledged the fact that God knows the history of my piece of junk trunk and all her wondrous owners. So, there's the story of how I acquired my awesome trunk. Now I just have to decide what I want to put in it. Ah, the trivial dilemmas of summer.